Letter to Girl friend

Rated Adult Jokes

During the past year I have tried to make love to you
365 times.
I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once
every ten days.
The following is a list of why I did not succeed more
54 times the sheets were clean17 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired20 times it was too hot
15 times you pretended to be asleep22 times you had a
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby16 times
you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month19 times
you had to get up early
9 times you said weren't in the mood7 times you were
6 times you were watching the late show
5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hair-do
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
9 times you said your mother would hear us
Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not
6 times you just laid there
8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling
4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you
I think you have things a little confused.
Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did:
5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
36 times you did not come home at all21 times you
didn't cum
33 times you came too soon19 times you went soft
before you got in
38 times you worked too late10 times you got cramps in
your toes
29 times you had to get up early to play golf
2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in
the balls
4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
2 times you had a splinter in your finger
20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it
all day
6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty
98 times you were too busy watching football,
baseball, etc. on TV
Of the times we did get together the reason I laid
still was because
you missed and were screwing the sheets.
I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what
I said was,
"Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?"
The time you felt me move was because you farted and I
wastrying to breathe.

People who read this also read below Jokes