5 stories

Rated Adult Jokes

Number 5.

A man bumps into a Woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his elbow

goes into her breast.

They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says

"Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."

She replies, "If your dick is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221."


Number 4.

A businessman boards a flight and is seated next to a gorgeous woman.

He notices she is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her

about it and she replies, "This is a very interesting book.

It says that American Indians have the longest penises and Greek men are the

best in bed..

By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?"

"Tonto Papadopoulos, nice to meet you."


Number 3..

One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing

his wife's arm.

The wife turns over and says "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist

appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."

The husband, rejected, turns over.. A few minutes later,

he rolls back over and taps his wife again.

"Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"


Number 2.

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a

number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife

that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis

into the pickle slicer.

His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about

it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the

compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill came home.

His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. "What's


Bill?" she asked. "Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous

urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?" "Oh, Bill, you didn't." "Yes,

I did." "My God, Bill, what happened?" "I got fired." "No, Bill. I mean,


happened with the pickle slicer?" "Oh... she got fired too."


Number 1.

A couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the

breakfast table one morning when the wife says,

"Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table


"I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here naked as

jaybirds fifty years ago."

"Well," Granny snickered, "Let's relive some old times." Whereupon the two

stripped to the buff and sat down at the table. "You know, honey," the


old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they

were fifty years ago."

"I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the

other is in your oatmeal"

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