100% Sexist. 100% Rude. 50% Funny.

Rated Adult Jokes

  1. Why did God create woman? To carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet.
  2. If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love? The swallow
  3. How do you annoy your girlfriend during sex? Call her.
  4. Why do women fake orgasms? Because they think men care.
  5. What is the definition of "making love"? Something a woman does while a guy is fucking her.
  6. What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down and use a lubricant.
  7. What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex? Oral sex makes your day. Anal sex makes your [w]hole weak.
  8. How many sexists does it take to change a light bulb? None, let the bitch cook in the dark.
  9. What's the difference between pre-menstrual tension and B.S.E? One's mad cow disease; the other's an agricultural problem.
  10. Why does the bride always wear white? Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.
  11. What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes? Nothing, she's been told twice already.
  12. How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it in.
  13. If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong? Made her chain too long.
  14. How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry it!
  15. What is the difference between a battery and a woman? A battery has a positive side.
  16. What are the three fastest means of communication? 1) Internet 2) Telephone 3) Tel-a-woman
  17. Why do hunters make the best lovers? Because they go deep in the bush, shoot more than once, and they eat what they shoot.
  18. How are fat girls and mopeds alike? They're both fun to ride until your friends find out.
  19. What should you give a woman who has everything? A man to show her how to work it.
  20. How are tornadoes and marriage alike? They both begin with a lot of blowing and sucking, and in the end you lose your house.
  21. Why does a bride smile when she walks up the aisle? She knows she's given her last blow job.
  22. What's the difference between a bitch and a whore? A whore sleeps with everyone at the party while a bitch sleeps with everyoneveryone at the party except you.
  23. What's the difference between your wife and your job? After 10 years the job still sucks.
  24. What's the difference between love, true love, and showing off? Spitting, swallowing, and gargling.
  25. Why is the space between a women's breasts and her hips called a waist"? Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.
  26. Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra? When you take it off, you wonder where her tits went.
  27. How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good? Put a nipple on it.
  28. Why did the woman cross the road? What's the bitch doing out of the kitchen in the first place?!
  29. Why are there no female astronauts on the moon? 'cause it doesn't need cleaning yet.
  30. How is a woman like a condom? Both of them spend more time in your wallet than on your dick

Edit: Corrected numbering.

Thank you for the 15 seconds of fame. <That's what she said>.

To the haters, what were you expecting when you clicked on that title? Seriously.

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