- Why did God create woman?
To carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet.
- If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
- How do you annoy your girlfriend during sex?
- Why do women fake orgasms?
Because they think men care.
- What is the definition of "making love"?
Something a woman does while a guy is fucking her.
- What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Slow down and use a lubricant.
- What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
Oral sex makes your day. Anal sex makes your [w]hole weak.
- How many sexists does it take to change a light bulb?
None, let the bitch cook in the dark.
- What's the difference between pre-menstrual tension and B.S.E?
One's mad cow disease; the other's an agricultural problem.
- Why does the bride always wear white?
Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.
- What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, she's been told twice already.
- How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it in.
- If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
Made her chain too long.
- How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
- What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.
- What are the three fastest means of communication?
1) Internet 2) Telephone 3) Tel-a-woman
- Why do hunters make the best lovers?
Because they go deep in the bush, shoot more than once, and they eat what they shoot.
- How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
They're both fun to ride until your friends find out.
- What should you give a woman who has everything?
A man to show her how to work it.
- How are tornadoes and marriage alike?
They both begin with a lot of blowing and sucking, and in the end you lose your house.
- Why does a bride smile when she walks up the aisle?
She knows she's given her last blow job.
- What's the difference between a bitch and a whore?
A whore sleeps with everyone at the party while a bitch sleeps with
everyoneveryone at the party except you.
- What's the difference between your wife and your job?
After 10 years the job still sucks.
- What's the difference between love, true love, and showing off?
Spitting, swallowing, and gargling.
- Why is the space between a women's breasts and her hips called a waist"?
Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.
- Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?
When you take it off, you wonder where her tits went.
- How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.
- Why did the woman cross the road?
What's the bitch doing out of the kitchen in the first place?!
- Why are there no female astronauts on the moon?
'cause it doesn't need cleaning yet.
- How is a woman like a condom?
Both of them spend more time in your wallet than on your dick
Edit: Corrected numbering.
Thank you for the 15 seconds of fame. <That's what she said>.
To the haters, what were you expecting when you clicked on that title? Seriously.