I am proud to be a muslim said a muslim man.
I am proud to be a Christian said a christian man.
I am proud to be a Jain said a jain.
I am proud to be a Hindu said intolerant Indian.
Son: Dad, what does gay mean?
Dad: Happy son. It means happy.
Son: Then are YOU gay DAD?
Dad: No son...... i have a wife...
The man: “Who would ever miss the World Cup final?”
The guy: “That was my wife’s seat. We have been to the last five World Cup finals together, but sadly she passed away.”
The man: “That’s terrible, but couldn’t you get another member of the family, friend, or someone else to come with you?”
The guy: “No…they are all at the funeral!”
I bumped into an old school friend today. He started showing off, talking about his well paid job and expensive sports car.
Then he pulled out a photo of his wife and said, "She's beautiful, isn't she?"
I said, "If you think she's gorgeous, you should see my girlfriend."
He said, "Why? Is she a stunner?"
I said, "No, she's a fu**ing optician."
Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and then gently tap edges with hammer."
Wife texts back 10 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now."